As soon as we arrived in New Hampshire this weekend to visit my husband’s parents, my mother-in-law was eager to show off some deeply discounted holiday gifts she recently picked up at CVS.

She bought them not because she thought they would make great stocking stuffers for Xmas 08, but because she thought they were utterly ridiculous and didn’t have her cell phone with her at the drugstore to take photos of them. So she purchased them for our amusement.

Bonney really should have a blog of her own, but because she doesn’t, it’s up to me to share these gems with a wider audience.

Here we have a gift set for the person who has everything. Everything, that is, except for a candle that doubles as hand lotion (??), packaged with (of course) a CD of “fresh, easy-listening contemporary” holiday music.

Just burn, pour, and uh… moisturize. Try to remember to stick that order, I guess.

Here’s another one that I’m sure many people have already seen, but I just can’t get over how lame it is.

There are probably hordes of Sportscenter fans who jumped at the chance to own this electronic Hallmark “Keepsake” ornament, but I would rather get paid to advertise on my tree, instead of the other way around. The thing came with batteries, but we don’t have the stomach to insert them and see what noises it emits.

For their first competition, the snails and slugs engage in a race to the the end of the log.

There doesn’t seem to be a clear winner, so I’m calling it a tie.

The real slackers were hiding out under the log.

UPDATE 1/3/08: Thank you to the Craft Blog for featuring Snails vs Slugs!

I got a little carried away with the Reindeer this year, handing them out like breath mints to friends and coworkers. Now I just have to make one or two for myself!

The pattern still comes for free with any purchase through January 1st. After that, it will be available for $5.

This one is a little more creepy than sad.

It’s a life-size Santa mannequin, propped up at a toll booth on the Cimarron Turnpike in Oklahoma, where I’m spending Christmas with my family. You can’t make it out in the photo, but his face is all ruddy and weird, as if he were made out of paper mache and drug out year after year to greet the eastbound traffic in all sorts of weather.

The creepiest thing to me is the safety vest, which must freak out the night drivers to some extent. Also, the sad table of fake presents is a bit of a downer, though the poinsettias suggest that someone was really trying.